Blogicide

Do you have those friends who start a blog and then slowly trickle away with their posts and updates until the blog anticlimactically explodes into nothingness? Welll.... I might be one of those friends... this might be one of those blogs.

I feel it has served its purpose, and that I stuck with it for long enough to produce some solid documentation of the last 2 years of my life/development/expansion/dissolution. At this point, I just don't have the will power to continue at all!

To give a current update, I have been in the Northern California/Southern Oregon area since my last posting. I've been working in the kitchen at Camp Augusta since May (except for a three week stint in Oregon @ the Lighthouse retreat center), and will be here working hard every day until September. I believe I will go to a fruit tree farm in Maui at the beginning of September, to do some meditating and simple living until my good friends' wedding in November. After that, we shall see!

So that's what I'm "doing" on a surface level. But to briefly fulfill the entire purpose of this blog, I will sign off with a short statement of what I've "found," how I feel--you know, a bringing it all home type statement.

I don't have any more questions about anything. All the big questions that left my mind restless have been answered, and I must say, I don't believe there is anything worth doing, accomplishing, or creating outside of me, outside of William/Will/Liam. There is no knowledge "out there," no fulfillment to find, no happiness to pursue. It would seem that through all the people I've met, books I've read, experiences I've had, etc., the only work I feel drawn towards at all is inside. In other words, I would like to devote a great deal of time, energy, &/or effort into focusing my attention inwardly. You know, treat it like a 9-5 type thing, a whole new life style. From what I have read/been told/experienced thus far--a whole lot is possible when we simply sit quietly and close our eyes, and wait. So that's what I'm going to do. A lot.

Nothing is "out there" but a relative, ever-changing Universe of ups and downs, sorrows & glee, a roller coaster of relativity. So I will go inside and see. See if there is anything more to mere changing forms. See if there is eternity, see if there is changelessness, repeatlessness. I will have to have patience. I will have to wait and see. :)

Much love to you all!!! & of course I will continue to communicate with everyone through the dozens of modern communication tools--facebook, email, cellphone, skype, etc. And hopefully in person!

Spring Light Emerging...

Greetings one & all.

Out of the dark, one month ago today. March 4th.

So much to recount in the darkness, sitting in one little room for 2 weeks. And so much to recount of my last month in the light as well. Where do I begin?

So was the darkness enlightening? Yes, I believe it was on a number of levels. My experience there was quite dynamic, ranging from all sorts of bodily sensations (wild buzzing of pituitary/3rd eye, pineal/crown), to various nightmarish and wild visions and dreams, with plenty of realizations and downloads of things that no longer serve me or anyone for that matter. I had dense, visceral, agonizing feelings of despair and helplessness and solitude. Feelings of pure joy and love and complete contentment. & on & on. I must say it was an amazingly rewarding experience on every level.

I will recount several quick stories, with a general lack of detail to allow you all to fill in your own imaginative details.

One day one I had to pee really bad. I couldn't hold it. And I got lost on the way to the bathroom. And I couldn't hold it. And I grabbed for whatever I could, and I grabbed a Tibetan singing bowl. And I didn't have to hold it anymore. But I had to use a lot of scalding hot water and Dr. Bronner's soap later to make sure the bowl wasn't tainted forever.

On another day I walked into the bathroom and stepped on what felt like tiny stones. And I reached for whatever it was, and they had a slimy texture, and they smelled funny. And I found out what the little stones were eventually. My darkroom retreat roommate-neighbor Rigzin had tried to dump rotten soaked almonds in the toilet, and she missed. Completely.

I remember realizing/thinking/feeling that nothing really matters, that my return to source is inevitable, but the glory and gift of being a human being right now is beyond imagination and probability, so I need to take advantage of every moment to its fullest, cultivating awareness more and more every day.

My pre-retreat post-retreat blood work analysis was profound. Before the Dr. said "this is very healthy blood." After the Dr. said "this blood is exemplary, vital blood." Wow!

I came out with a blonde strip of hair. How does that happen in the dark?

Since emerging into the light I have been living and working @ the Fix restaurant in Nevada City. Doing lots of fun experimentation with food. Learning lots about all sorts of concoctions--elixirs and teas and the sky is the limit. Watching movies, reading, and really becoming clear about what I'd like to do this year-where I would like to direct my energy. I will beginning a 5 month herbal apprenticeship April 22nd with an amazing herbalist in the area, Kathi Keville. And I am feeling called to possibly begin work on a Masters degree through Gaia University in October. More details on this craziness to come. :)

I've only just last night moved--you guessed it--back to the darkroom retreat center, just 3 miles or so away from the Fix! Can ya believe it? I will be staying here for the month of April, and will hopefully use this amazing space as a nice convenient transitionary lillypad to the next space, wherever that may be. One thing is for sure, I will be rooted down here until my Herbal program ends in August.

So that's all for now. Spring emerges here, and I am loving the light more than ever. I'm not going to pretend my body or mind is in some sort of radiant transcendent healthful state, but for some reason I feel more surrender to every moment than I have ever felt.

Come what may--I will do my best to give myself to the righteousness within me.

I love you all!

Darkness within Darkness

So the time is at hand. 3 days until I begin my dark room retreat @ Sierra Obscura retreat center in Nevada City. The basic structure of the experience is like this: a residential home in the Nevada City area has been converted to a retreat space. The downstairs of the house has 5 individual rooms and one community room, as well as several bathrooms and a massage room. The upstairs of the house is where all the food for the retreat-goers is prepared, and where various servers stay and operate during retreat times. The retreat begins with 2 days acclimating to the space in dim lighting, followed by 14 days darkness, ending with 1 day integration. Here is a blog site run by the center --->
http://sierraobscura.wordpress.com/category/benefits/

So the basic idea is that I will have ample time to go inward, to meditate and contemplate, to observe and attune my awareness, to recalibrate my physiological systems so used to and abused by sensory overload, as well as many other things. I intend to use it as a time to go deep, deep within. To contemplate the years past happenings, and to integrate and embody as many of these powerful teachings that have come through to me in the Tao de Ching. Healing, release, renewal, rebirth.

Rebirth. Going into the darkness, going into the womb to grow and develop and emerge anew.

Though I am excited about the experience, I feel it will be quite a challenge for me! Just the other day I sat down and closed my eyes for 5 minutes, and just watched my breath and meditated, & it seemed like an eternity! But it was only 5 minutes. So I really can't imagine just what my experience will be like for some 300-something hours in pitch black, but I imagine immersing myself in the dark for such a long time will enhance the light that much more, at the very least.

:)

So I want to tie in a few passages from the Tao De Ching to help me contextualize my experience before going in, & to give me a few things to contemplate and practice. I have chosen all the passages in the Tao that mention the word "dark" or "darkness." And perhaps on emerging from this womb I will understand these ancient phrases through my own experience, beyond any intellectualizing or theorizing. Perhaps...

1

The tao that can be told
is not the eternal Tao
The name that can be named
is not the eternal Name.

The unnamable is the eternally real.
Naming is the origin
of all particular things.

Free from desire, you realize the mystery.
Caught in desire, you see only the manifestations.

Yet mystery and manifestations
arise from the same source.
This source is called darkness.

Darkness within darkness.
The gateway to all understanding.

14

Look, and it can't be seen.
Listen, and it can't be heard.
Reach, and it can't be grasped.

Above, it isn't bright.
Below, it isn't dark.
Seamless, unnamable,
it returns to the realm of nothing.
Form that includes all forms,
image without an image,
subtle, beyond all conception.

Approach it and there is no beginning;
follow it and there is no end.
You can't know it, but you can be it,
at ease in your own life.
Just realize where you come from:
this is the essence of wisdom.

20

Stop thinking, and end your problems.
What difference between yes and no?
What difference between success and failure?
Must you value what others value,
avoid what others avoid?
How ridiculous!

Other people are excited,
as though they were at a parade.
I alone don't care,
I alone am expressionless,
like an infant before it can smile.

Other people have what they need;
I alone possess nothing.
I alone drift about,
like someone without a home.
I am like an idiot, my mind is so empty.

Other people are bright;
I alone am dark.
Other people are sharper;
I alone am dull.
Other people have a purpose;
I alone don't know.
I drift like a wave on the ocean,
I blow as aimless as the wind.

I am different from ordinary people.
I drink from the Great Mother's breasts.

21

The Master keeps her mind
always at one with the Tao;
that is what gives her her radiance.

The Tao is ungraspable.
How can her mind be at one with it?
Because she doesn't cling to ideas.

The Tao is dark and unfathomable.
How can it make her radiant?
Because she lets it.

Since before time and space were,
the Tao is.
It is beyond is and is not.
How do I know this is true?
I look inside myself and see.

41

When a superior man hears of the Tao,
he immediately begins to embody it.
When an average man hears of the Tao,
he half believes it, half doubts it.
When a foolish man hears of the Tao,
he laughs out loud.
If he didn't laugh,
it wouldn't be the Tao.

Thus it is said:
The path into the light seems dark,
the path forward seems to go back,
the direct path seems long,
true power seems weak,
true purity seems tarnished,
true steadfastness seems changeable,
true clarity seems obscure,
the greatest are seems unsophisticated,
the greatest love seems indifferent,
the greatest wisdom seems childish.

The Tao is nowhere to be found.
Yet it nourishes and completes all things.

52

In the beginning was the Tao.
All things issue from it;
all things return to it.

To find the origin,
trace back the manifestations.
When you recognize the children
and find the mother,
you will be free of sorrow.

If you close your mind in judgements
and traffic with desires,
your heart will be troubled.
If you keep your mind from judging
and aren't led by the senses,
your heart will find peace.

Seeing into darkness is clarity.
Knowing how to yield is strength.
Use your own light
and return to the source of light.
This is called practicing eternity.

----------------

Yes yes yes! Wow. So these passages fully illustrate my main intention for the retreat. To emerge from the darkness and be able to say, "Ah yes, I don't just understand this passage, I've experienced this passage." or better yet... ----> "I am this passage." Whoa! If I can say this about any one part of any one passage, I will feel fulfilled in my ~postmoderntao~ blog journey. Either way, I'm sure whatever I experience with will be rewarding. :)

So, 2 more quick things relating to darkness that have come up for me just recently, and that relate to the retreat @ hand and the postmoderntao blog. One is that I intend to have dark field blood work done before going in and after coming out. Dark field blood work is otherwise known as "live blood work," and contrary to light field work, examines a complete, living blood cell. Last time I had an analysis done, I saw some pretty incredible stuff. One of my white blood cells looked like Florida, and I said to the Doctor, "say, what's with this?" And the Doc said, "Well, don't you have some relationship to Florida?" And I said, "Why yes, I am going to a yoga retreat there this December, and I've been trying to arrange my transportation there for the past week." ----> So me thinking about Florida caused FL to literally show up in my blood. I have other friends who have seen some pretty wild stuff in there relating to their psyche, childhood, life experiences, things they need to heal or address to move forward, etc. One friend of mine had many of her blood cells in the form of yogini ballerinas. Cool huh?

The second thing related to darkness is that I have by chance met a fellow who is opening a sensory deprivation chamber retreat center (really its a "day spa") in the Nevada City area right before I finish my dark room retreat, and we have arranged for me to be picked up from Sierra Obscura on March 4th to go to one of the Sensory dep. tanks to see what that's all about! The chambers are basically big water holding tanks that were originally used to transport Dolphins. In this case the water is adjusted to body temperature and is loaded with epsom salts, so one can't feel the water and can easily float in it. This creates or simulates the very real experience of primordial womb conditions. Some people apparently have floated for as long as 6 hours, but I think a very common time is a 30 min. to 1 hour journey.
So that will put the cherry on the Sunday of the dark field work & dark room retreat. Dolphin tank anyone?

So okay, perhaps the picture I've painted of the coming 3 weeks of my life seems rather insane, but I embrace the possibility of deep transformation and realization, and hope whatever happens will be of practical use to me and my reality--all my friends and family, all networks, all my relations!

Much love all!

Revisiting the Rebirth, part 3.

Greetings friends and family!

I am pleased to write you all on this 1 year and 1 day anniversary of the Postmodern Tao blog. I must say, it has been quite a journey, and I feel what began as a seemingly haphazard exploration of some ancient, mysterious philosophies has really set the context for the last year of my life journeys, and in many ways has been the driving force behind so many experiences I've had.

Yesterday I officially completed my yoga teacher training, so I will soon (as soon as all the paperwork blah blah stuff is taken care of) be a certified Kundalini Yoga instructor. I've been blessed enough to teach several classes at the same yoga studio I took the training at, Shuniaa Studio in Nevada City. & I must say I really enjoy the teaching process, especially as it relates to yoga. My daily practice has been the most consistent part of my life for almost a year now, so it feels very natural to share the practice with others. :)

& so I feel I have so much I could say today, but all that comes to me now is just a deep gratitude to be alive, a deep gratitude that I have moved away from attachments and detachments into a field of experience that is more balanced & aligned with the simple desire to share the human journey with others and help as much as I can, without any expectation that anything I do will have this or that result. A deep peace has set over me, and words can't express how much I love you all.

I will be beginning a 2 week darkroom retreat starting February 17th in Nevada City, so I will be sure to post again before going in.

Until then, much love and gratitude.

:)

Revisiting the Rebirth, part 2.

Blessed friends & family, greetings.

I looked back over part 1 of this 2 or ? who knows how many part series, and don't feel inclined to follow the thread I left for me to pick up again. Well, perhaps I will in part, but not entirely. The flow I was feeling then was different than the one I am in now. And I posted that some 2 or 3 weeks ago. I was a completely different being then!

I do want to continue discussing these past 9 months since I first started the blog (almost a year now, the anniversary is Feb 1st!), beginning with a powerful lesson or series of lessons I have begun to integrate into my life, all involving the art of communication.

First, I want to define a really dicey word that is often tossed around. I want to define it as I experience it, or as I use it to improve the quality of my reality. The word is Karma. or karma. It sure is used a lot, & I honor however you (anyone reading this) relates to the word or defines it for yourself. For the purposes of this posting, I will define karma as anything that pulls me away from present experience.

I am experiencing this moment now. I am simply aware. Not thinking about anything, just feeling what I feel and witnessing the simplicity of the experience before me. But wait! My stomach is gurgling. It's saying "you have been treating me pretty well, but you could do better. Don't eat so much!"

I ate a lot of food today. Nothing too crazy, but still, enough to continue to experience this karma, or the consequences of this particular action. My tummy gurgles: karmic consequences. I pass gas: karmic consequences. Both consequences pull me away from the fullness of a dynamic, multi-sensory present experience. How can I experience the plane soaring over head and the birds chirping, and the sunset, and the wind blowing, and my bare feet on the grass and the sweat on my head and the music on the radio all at once when I feel heavy with food, when I feel heavy with anything that pulls me away from this fast range of experiences all happening at once?

Karma is a vampire-like entity that feeds on the energy of our present experience. There. That's it. These karma vampires have a life of there own, and continue to feed on our present awareness until we find a way to release them. Easy enough right? Anything right now that's pulling away from your full, present experience is a karma, so just trace it back to its origin a release it!

The food karma is one that comes up for me a lot, because I'm always trying to find balance, and eat the most healthy thing, or the seasonal local, or the raw or the super or the wild, or the blah blah blah. You know? If I drink the matrix-juice box loaded with high fructose corn syrup, then my body will be thrown out of balance and I'll experience the karmic guilt of putting that in my body, and so on and so on. So I'm always seeking balance with that.

But one reason I've had difficulty with food balance is because of subtle little karmas that are still in my body, exerting their influence over my appetite, telling me to eat this or that when I really don't need it. Liver parasites would be one example. I went and visited a number of health consultants and came to find out that I had liver parasites or liver "flukes," little karmic vampire entities telling me to put crazy things in my body to throw my liver out of wack and thus give them free rein to feed on me, my energy, etc. Crazy huh? So I've done a number of liver cleanses in the past months, and continue to be very clear and careful about the things I put my liver through, i.e., alcohol, overeating, sugar, processed foods, etc. And being disciplined with these things has helped me to tune into my body more and more, and find out what it really needs, rather than what the vampires need. And thus I experience an increase in present awareness, and henceforth a fuller life enjoyment. :)

Here's an interesting concept I developed after already publishing this blog posting. I feel it supplements the notions I've been bouncing around enough to edit it in, post-publishing. :)

Karmas::Present Awareness Feeders
Vampires::Energy/Blood Feeders
Mosquitos::Blood Suckers

And how does one repel vampires?

Garlic. Do you know what happens to your skin when you eat garlic? It radiates garlic essence, and a mosquito wouldn't dare come near you. It's one of the best natural mosquito repellents.

Garlic is also a powerful anti-microbial herb that has been used to treat typhus, parasites poor digestion, cancer, low energy, and a whole host of bacterias and viruses that have plagued people for centuries.

In Chinese medicine, garlic is a Yang food, a fire food. Fire, like light, like burning up vampires in the light, like burning through little karmic vampire entities in your body, bringing in the light.

Yah, yah, yah???



Other karmas related to the body could be some sort of trauma from a past physical or emotional injury. My groin occasionally hurts and pulls me away from presence, and I injured it some 10 years ago playing soccer! Emotional trauma is also stored in the body, and these types of karmas can be hard to release. They are a subtle sort of density that pulls away from the energy I could be devoting to this vast array of Now-experience I keep describing. And this density must be released!

But anyhow, the karma thing could also be thoughts that pull me away from the present. The "you shoulds" and the various obligations of modern society. Perhaps a deadline for a school paper, or waiting to get a pay check from work so I can pay a phone bill, or trying to buy a gift for this occasion or that. Anything that I am expected to do by my culture, my friends, my family. Any agreements I may have made, or intentions that I have set for myself. All of it could continue to haunt me and pull me away from my present experience. And this is where communication comes into play.

Over the past year, I have learned that not only do I have karmas from my past that I need to release, but I can so easily continue to create karmas through my relationships with not just food or my body or my thoughts or emotions, but my relationships with people. If I don't communicate my intentions clearly with people, and make straight forward agreements from the get-go, a karmic calamity could easily ensue. Its happened to me before, and now I do my best to skirt this silliness through the simple setting of clear agreements, with transparent intentions and straight-forward, honest expectations. If something goes wrong somewhere along the way, I do my best to relate that "hey, I've done my best! I am so sorry, I will continue to laser-beam my focus on X _____ agreement." That, or I make a new agreement.

The most important part for me has been simply having the courage to communicate everything clearly from the beginning, and if things go wrong somewhere along the way, having the courage to communicate, clarify, re-agree, and so on. It can be a tough one, but it saves me the annoyance of being pulled out of my present experience because I didn't pay so and so _____ $, or I forgot to call this person or give that person whatever, blah blah. The range of agreements and intentions that can be made are endless. The point is, constantly clarifying agreements and intentions from the get-go and as the process evolves has kept my karmic relations with others pretty clean. Communication is key!

I'm certainly not perfect. I've got plenty of agreements to fulfill now, but I'm doing my best. And this keeps my field of experience free of "oh I supposed to do this," or "Oh my gosh I should be doing that or I haven't done that or fulfilled this!"

I would say that main way I learned this in the past year was through all the different work trades I did, and the hitchkiking and bumming around without any money or a phone to speak of. It can be tough! And it can be fun too. But for me it was really painful if I failed to communicate. When I was honest, and related to people my penniless situation, I was almost always received with smiles and fed and nurtured. Every time I hitchhiked I would say from the beginning just where I was going, with no funny business, and no projecting expectations onto others.

I must say it was quite a journey, and it feels good to have developed some independence and self-sufficiency. But it doesn't mean that my passion for completely transparent communication has ceased in any way.

And I'm still finding balance. I think I can be too direct and intense at times. For instance, when people "you should" me in a conversation without me asking for it, I'm usually quick to point out the utter ridiculously of the statement, or how it generally feels terrible to me to be you should-ed. Like a few weeks back I was working on an art project, and someone said "you should put more love into that." To which I responded, "Hah! I should what? What should I do? Should shouldy shouldness?"

Wow, that word just lost all meaning for a second. I'm not even sure I spelled it correctly anymore. Well, the point is, even in the simplest of communications, subtle karmas arise and I am quick to pull off the disguise. The you-shoulds, the expectations, the energies that we subject each other to can be a karma that continues to arise in our reality lest we stand up for ourselves and strike it down before it takes on a life of its own.

That we may all communicate clearly and honestly, using our word in the pursuit of Truth, Joy, Love, Gratitude, & Righteousness.

What do all these words mean to you anyways?

To me they eventually mean zero-point. No karma, just a vast, multisensory experience, all happening at once. Pure present awareness, completely immersed in the fullness of beingness, the fullness that is this life.

I can't fully express love if I'm always thinking about this karma or farting because of whatever hamburger or milkshake. It's difficult for me to be fully in my truth (or my version of truth) if I haven't taken the time to express my intentions to them! Yes, these types of things.

So Karma. That we may burn up all of the karmas that limit our experience in all its beauty. That we may become expert vampire slayers, cosmic karmic destroying warriors, battling the demons within in the full pursuit of righteousness. That we may drop all the programs that keep our operating system from running at full capacity, and that we may continue to upgrade our operating system (our awareness, our conscious experience) more and more every day. & that we may enjoy the process along the way. :)

Welp, hope it wasn't too much blah blah. I love you all. Stay free, stay clear, en-joy!

Revisiting the rebirth, part 1.

This is one of those full circle type of posts. A summing up of one of many concentric circles that is crossing over and interweaving with other circles of experience to form the fabric that is my experience and is my reality. Where I look back over the original context and intentions for this blog, flush things out a bit, and supply a series of inspiring "ah-hahs" that help me to integrate whatever I need to integrate from the past 9 months (human gestation period, yes?), and release whatever I need to release.

I feel this 9 month rebirthing period has been the most powerful, accelerated time of growth in my life, so its a bit silly to think I can pin it all down in one concise posting. I just want to touch on a few things really. & I don't have an outline or bulleted points written down beside me, though my structuring, organizing nature feels rather inclined to do such a thing! Perhaps future postings will be guided by such a writing process. For now I will do my best to express whatever needs to be expressed, to let it come up in my field of experience & flow through my fingers, tip-tapping across these plastic Apple keys, with the grace and ease of a well-practiced street performer--juggling this and that, entertaining, working the natural magic that can only emerge in surrender to the unfolding moment. OH please oh please! Give me the strength to surrender.

Wowee! So I just read back over my first post that outlined my context and intentions, and it gave me so many chill bumps! Truly amazing. It relates to so much of my past 9 months of experience, and really brought up a lot for me.

One of my original intentions for the blog was a physical and psychological journal of my travels and experiences. I feel these two things alone will be enough to cover in this posting. To sum up my physical adventures for the past 9 months starting at the beginning of February, I have gone from New Mexico to Arizona, back to New Mexico, back through Arizona to California. I spent Feb-April primarily on Gemini Farm in Los Sangre de Cristo mountains New Mexico; mid-April in Arizona for the native elders gathering and various adventures to the Grand Canyon, Hopi, Yavapai, and Dinai land; May through early July back in New Mexico in the Jemez mountains on my friend Casey's land, the summer solstice Yoga retreat outside of Espanola, and finally the Sante Fe mountains for the Rainbow gathering. Then I was whisked away through Sedona, AZ to Grass Valley/Nevada City/North San Juan, CA, where I have been completely grounded (except for a journey to Mt. Shasta, the Redwoods, the Mendocino Coast, and Lake Tahoe) since mid-July.

So that's a rough outline. Mountains, beaches, desserts. Various trainings and workshops--two weeks of Kundalini yoga teacher training (my final week is at the end of January); an Aromatic Alchemy training (mixing essential oils and blends for medicinal/enjoyable purposes); dozens of yoga and Qigong classes on the side; so many different ceremonies and collective experiences fused with the highest intention; Mauri healers (New Zealand indigenous people), farm work-trades, loads of living food creations from smoothies to Kimchi to sourkraut to chocolate, pies, salads, crackers, fruits, etc. ; adventures to Amma the hugging saint (once in June & again in November), different hot springs, rivers, and my first view of the Pacific; and an intense daily yoga practice that has essentially been the foundation of my experience--giving me a wealth of physical, emotional, & psychological health and vitality for a smooth, enjoyable reality. Yes.

So lots of things, lots of "doings." & that's the physical side, the external experience, so to speak. Now as far as the psychological part, the maintenance and development of my "psyche," this rich & deep collection of beliefs and experiences and all sorts of programmings that directly affect the way I interact with and experience my reality--well that's another story. At this point, a few excerpts from the Tao from my original posting seem appropriate:

Chapter 71

Not-knowing is true knowledge.
Presuming to know is a disease.
First realize that you are sick;
then you can move toward health.

The Master is her own physician.
She has healed herself of all knowing.
Thus she is truly whole

Chapter 48

In the pursuit of knowledge,
every day something is added.
In the practice of the Tao,
everyday something is dropped.
Less and less do you need to force things,
until finally you arrive at non-action.
When nothing is done,
nothing is left undone.

True mastery can be gained
by letting things go their own way.
It can't be gained by interfering.

-------

So since February, the "program" I have been acting out, drawing directly from my blog intentions albeit seemingly unconsciously at times, is that of deprogramming. I have been playing out the program of deprogramming, of dropping things every day. Meaning the complete and utter dismantling and destruction of all preconceived concepts, notions, beliefs, expectations (cultural, familial, etc.), and so on. All the different thought forms that come between me and the fullness of my experience as it unfolds before me in raw beauty & glory. Goodbye! Thank you for your service, but I am releasing you. & much love for you!

This essentially means the obliteration of the contents of my subconscious mind, reprogramming with only the most basic, rudimentary blueprints I need for navigating reality as I know it. Here is one of those blueprints I have been using with a whole lot of success--->
---------

Misconception: "Seeing is Believing" (What we perceive determines what we believe.)
The Actuality: "Believing is Seeing" (What we believe determines what we perceive!)

Beliefs-->Perception-->Interpretation-->Emotional Reaction-->Thoughts-->Action-->Beliefs

Beliefs ==> Perception ==> Interpretation ==> Emotional reaction ==> Thoughts ==> Action

1. Your beliefs determine the reality that you perceive. Your beliefs determine your perception of reality.

2. You then immediately, automatically, (and usually unconsciously) interpret your perception of reality.
That is, you (arbitrarily) assign, project, and "superimpose" an interpretation onto your perception of reality.

3. You then emotionally react to your intepretation of that reality.

4. You then have thoughts about this reality.

5. Then, based on your emotions and thoughts, you take action.

6. And then action reinforces the original beliefs and interpretations

This is what I call or what is called the "reality feedback loop." That is, a loop of reality constantly feeding back into itself, reconfirming and justifying beliefs, perceptions, and thus the way our thoughts and emotions are generated and play out within the context of our beliefs. The idea is that when you change the beliefs you shift the whole feedback loop. And my personal experience has confirmed that, yes, indeed, shifting beliefs pretty much changes everything.
------
So I have basically been on a path of deconstructing the subconscious mind in order to reprogram (but mainly just stay free and clear) my beliefs and thus re-create the ways in which I experience life, and the people and places I draw into my life as a reflection of my beliefs and perceptions.

Put another way--->
Every human has a true essence and form that becomes diluted through life traumas, ideologies, expectations, agreements, etc. A childlike essence, a beginner's mind in the Zen tradition. So since February, I have used every method I know of to return to this state of experiencing the world. Clearing of physical, emotional, and psychological traumas, programmings, and so on, whether through dietary cleansing, body work, emotional release, movement and meditation, prayer, affirmation, auto-suggestion, nature time (hikes, swimming in creeks and rivers or anywhere not inundated with modern development), EFT, sound healing, etc. Everything.

In this way, I feel more released from the disease, the dis-ease or sickness of "knowing" or presuming to know, and feel more at ease in the comfort of simply experiencing things as they are with as little judgment or expectation for the way I believe or feel they "should be."

"In the practice of the Tao,
everyday something is dropped.
Less and less do you need to force things,
until finally you arrive at non-action"

Right. Less and less programming, more and more free, clear intelligence to experience a raw, full reality. Pure awareness. More and more wide-eyes like bright beaming headlights, less and less straining to see what I believe is supposed to be there, what should be there because of past conditions or recurring habit patterns/thought forms. More and more head nodding and immediate acceptance, less and less frustration when things that don't go as I believe or expect they should. And I've noticed the more & more I free intelligence up, the easier it becomes to navigate my reality, to do exactly what needs to be done in every situation, no more and no less. To manifest things that I want to see happen, and to surrender to the sychronistic flow of things as they happen, often times well outside of my expectations (Yes! I still have them. I'm doing my best). Yes yes yes. All of it. So: less & less junk programming has equaled more and more free and clear experience which has graced me with less and less headache and more and more enjoyable, simple, every day happenings. Just like magic.

So to some up part 1 of this multi-part revisiting, I just feel good. I feel light. I feel clear. My daily deprogramming has made things work for me. Everything seems to go my way. And when things don't go as I expect I cut through the pain and frustration with a light-saber of awareness and laughter so fast that I've already moved on to the next thing before my psyche has time to hold onto anything. Like magic!

In my next posting, I will go into some of the specifics of how my daily experience has changed, and some powerful tools I have used to navigate the ripples & waves of the all the changes I have gone through, as well as the interactions I have on a day to day basis. Some themes to expect (and just to remind me for my next posting) are communication, especially in reference to intentions, expectations, and agreements; the power of joy, gratitude, and surrender; the shadow side, the dark side, the Darth Vader archetype; & water. Water. Water! This is a big one. I'm excited (Excitement moves through me).

Ok family, friends. So much love.

Vlog launching...

Greetings friends and family, once again.

This posting will be short and sweet. I want to announce the launching of my vlog, my video blog, which you can view right here through my youtube channel:

www.youtube.com/hancocthemancoc

I'm hoping it will be a great supplement to my rants and ravings here, perhaps giving this blog the spice and life it needs to really fly sky high! Yeahhhhhh!

Ok, enjoy!

In lak'ech

-I am another yourself--

Falling back reflection

Greetings friends & loved ones!

It feels good to be writing for one & all with the fall in full swing. I have been enjoying the changing of beautiful dissiduous trees, the fruiting persimmons & apples, and the hardy root crops like carrots & beets. I've already made 4 or 5 batches of sour crout & kimchi (I helped others with their batches, plus a few of my own), dried loads of fruit, veggie chips, and various crackers, and gathered a good amount of acorns and english walnuts.

I must say that though I tend to delight in the summer energy (heat, movement, sweet, fruit, outward flowering), it feels good to be pushed inside for herbal teas, miso soup, mediation/contemplation, and rest. What a blessing it is to experience the changing seasons!

Life for me had been flowing beautifully as of late... And as of early for that matter. I have been keeping up with my yoga practice with laser beam focus, and must say it has truly been the foundation of my reality for the past 3 months. I feel vital & healthy, connected to my breath & beingness, with all the energy I could possibly need for day to day missions and adventures. Ahhhh, yes.
I have been working (playing) on lots of farms & gardens, connecting with so many wonderful souls all over the Ridge & Nevada city, and just recently started working at a raw food (with cooked stuff too) restaurant in Nevada city called the Fix. Check it out at thefixforfoodies.com. I'm coming to a great balanacing point with everything I'm doing and it feels great.

I believe I will be in this general area until at least February when my yoga teacher training ends, but otherwise I'm at a rather crucial crossroads of what's next? kinda thing.
And my choices seem to be between traveling and grounding, or some combination of the two. I would really like to make a pilgrimage to India to complete (or deepen, really) my yoga training. I have friends with land in both Costa Rica and Peru that I would really like to visit, as there's a possibility of some communities (with ecological/spirtual focus) taking shape in both these places. And then there is always the distinct possibility of journies to Hawaii, new Zealand, or a number of other spots I've felt really drawn to.
I know if I do go anywhere that I want the trip to be extremely intentional, meaning not simpy travel somewhere just to go, or just to "see the sites". I want to challenge myself, co-create with others, really do some awesome stuff that I feel is in line with my soul path! At this point my conclusion for "where do I go next" is to simply do the best I can every day, knowing fully well that I will be guided to do the right thing when the moment is upon me. Hooray for destiny!
more into, "what is my grand life vision right now?" Like, what do I want to reflect on lying on my death bed kind of thing.

Heaven on Earth comes to mind. Like, there's this idea that there's lots of pain and suffering in the world right now, so it seems like facilitating the emergence of Heaven on Earth is a worthy application of my energy. The question is, how would I do this? How would help do this, allow this? In what way can I play a positive role in moving from point A to point B. Yeah?

Well, right now it seems my energy is best applied in the realms of community, food, & yoga. Building sustainable communities with full-range food/living systems, and teaching and applying my daily life the yogic & food arts and sciences. More details regarding this magic will emerge soon... I believe my next blog posting will be the Art of Change #2. It's been about 9 months (a full birthing or gestation period) since I started this blog in February. So I feel it will be a good time for a Art of Change #2 posting whereby I talk about some of the changes I've gone through in the past 9 months. Until then, love & gratitude!

Liam

Summer... almost gone..

Well my friends, it seems as though are wonderful Summer season is coming to a close. The fall equinox is tomorrow, and pretty soon the leaves will be changing, the apples, winter squash, cabbage and all sorts of root veggies and greens will begin flooding the farmers markets, Thanksgiving and Halloween decorations will be abound, and our brother Sun will go to bed earlier and earlier until late December.

I love fall. I welcome the fall. I am the fall, the changing of the leaves and the shedding of form, the harvesting of planted seeds and wilting of old flowers worn. I am that. I am constantly changing, I thrive on it--releasing old concepts and complexes, re-integrating shadow parts of myself... Constantly shifting the matrix, the programming. I am that. I am fall.

I'm grounded in North San Juan, CA, up on "the Ridge." That's what this area is called in the North San Juan, Nevada City, Grass Valley locale (all neighboring cities/area). "The Ridge." And who lives on "the Ridge?" Ridge folk. Ridge-ites. Ridgers and Ridgians. Good people up here I tell ya. I walk, bike, and hitchhike every with ease. And Nevada City is a solid 12 miles away, so I definitely rely on hithchiking there and back at least a few times a week, but lately almost every day! And it's like a taxi service around, a highly evolved publich transportation system. The rides are so consistent, if I wait for 5 minutes I start to wonder what's going on! It sure is a blessing. And maybe its the energy I putting out? Sure. That aligns with my view of things (my concept of life or matrix, as it were). But it's also the openness and kindness of these Ridge folk. The Ridgites. A really nice community to be in.

I've been continuing my morning practice with great consistency, which has been a really nice discipline for me. And I believe I am going to start teaching yoga classes up on the Ridge very soon. I connected with the director of a local community center, and she said I am welcome to teach there! So that's exciting. I've been eating really well, working in eating out of the garden where I live and doing work-trades at various local farms for additional produce. I've been doing a green cleanse the last 2 weeks, which means I can eat anything as long as its green. I've had a lot of green smoothies, really spices ones too! I put chard and kale and zuchini and cucumber and cabbage and celery and such things, and then garlic, onion, ginger (not "green," but more like spices, which is ok), jalapeno, green pepper, tumeric, cinnamon, nutmeg, pepper, spirulina flakes, lime, and the one key ingredient: avocado. Avocado turns the conconction into a creamy amazing spicy goodness. It really has been very delicious, I must have had a dozen of these things already. And they are so very filling.

I went to this farm party last night at Mountain Bounty, a nice local farm with a CSA about 4 or 5 miles away from me. I brought a green salsa for the salsa contest, and then proceeded to go and eat lots things the were green, and some that were not.

Take the peach cobbler for instance. Nothing green about it. But boy was it good and worth it!
So its ok, I feel my morning yoga discipline is enough. Sometimes I have to step outside the structure a little bit to taste the peach cobbler, ya know? Wow, delicious.

It was a fun party too! A bluegrass band, lots of other amazing farm fresh food of course. I made a corn kernal knecklace. And met a lot of really nice people! Ah, what a time.

I'm really happy about where I am! I think I probably won't do too much moving around until December, whereby I hope to go to a yoga retreat and then see the family for Christmas! We'll see how that all works out. I'm not too, too concerned at this point. For now I hope to just keep the practice up, embrace the fall from without and hold the energy of the fall within, stay in my heart, and dance to the rhythm of the changing seasons and moment by moment shifts. Dance with balance, and grace, and clarity, and humility.

Love!

The Art of Change

I saw this quote posted on my good friend Joshua "Param Sevak" Adair's facebook page, and it inspired my to write a posting I've been philosophizing over extensively, as of late.

"Correcting oneself is correcting the whole world. The Sun is simply bright. It does not correct anyone. Because it shines, the whole world is full of light. Transforming yourself is a means of giving light to the whole world."
~Ramana Maharshi

This quote expresses, in an ecstatic, Rumi-esque fashion, what I will be calling for the purposes of this posting the "Art of Change," or the "Science of Change." How change actually takes place metaphysically, or within any given reality.

The main reason I'm posting this is because I have been philosophizing about it so much lately that I need to express it somewhere. The concept has been buzzing around my psyche for some weeks, so I figure in my blog is just as good a place as any. Yeah? Also, the second reason is I'm just plain weary of being confronted with something I'd like to term "activist's syndrome." I will explain in full detail what this is, & why the understanding the art or science of change will quickly cure this very unfortunate syndrome.

Ok, so I'm going to set a few premises, do some blah blah, and then a beautiful profound conclusion will emergy whereby you'll spit whatver liquid your currently ingesting out your nose & mouth onto the computer screen, laughing yourself silly out of your rolling chair, onto the ground, hysterically foaming at the mouth and seisuring while you rocket your awareness into a state of transcendent bliss. I can't make any promises, but I'm pretty sure if you read on your experience will play out about like this.

The first premise is that everything we experience in the Universe, all matter, dense or subtle, is energy. Everything is energy, vibrating or pulsing at a particular frequency, a vibratory signature if you will. When we walk around a park or drive down a highway, we mostly experience what seems like fixed matter, mechanical in nature, will little apparent change taking place. But the truth of the matter is that everything we see on a day to day basis is an enormous flow of atoms, protons, neutrons, electrons, & so on, all vibrating and pulsing in a grand dance of constant flux and change. Everything we see, including we humans, has a particular vibratory frequency or signature that differentiates it from everything else, yet the vibratory signature of all things greatly affect one another.

Here is a really fancy picture to wow you into accepting my first premise.















Ok, so that is the first premise. Everything is energy flowing , and everything has a vibratory frequency. When you wake up your vibratory frequency is at a certain level, and when you go to a heavy metal concert, the vibratory signature of that concert affects your signature. Everything we eat, say, think, see, etc., affects our signature. Some things have a greater effect than others. Since we are mostly water, it is important for us to drink the best water we can possibily drink, as it affects are unique signature more than we probably realize moment to moment.

The second premise that I want to establish is that of the law of magnetic attraction. This law has been popularized (more accurately sensationalized) in such popular works as "The Secret," which people now clumsily use to get more stuff. Well, I won't go there or pretend to assume what it's being used for. In fact, I'm more interested in relaying the proper processes for reaping the full benefits of "The Secret" than I am what ends people are seeking. So, the law of magnetic attraction basically states that like attracts like. The frequency at which anything vibrates attracts a similar frequency. So in the words of "the Secret," if you want cash just think of cash a lot. Which would probably work over time, but I feel is not even half the picture, since there is a whole lot more to our indivual vibratory frequency than just our consciously controlled thoughts focused in on "cash."

Other parts of our frequency include our subconscious garbage, our past experiences, agreements, beliefs, dogmas, ideologies, etc. If at some point in our life we believed that we were unable to make much money, yet we never de-programmed this belief, then it is still a part of our vibratory signature, and will thus prevent us from attracting the wealth we so often desire. For many, the subconscious mind becomes so overloaded with a certain idea or belief that it has to overflow into the unconscious mind, which affects our unconscious processes like blood flow, digestion, and cell maintenance. In this way, many people have certain tramatic memories stored in their cell memory! It can be much more tricky to alter the vibrations stored within our cells than lets say, digesting and pooping out a hamburger.

So, I suppose these two premises alone will be enough to express what I want to express. If everything is vibrating energy, and like attracts like, then the only way to attract what you want to attract is to change your own vibrational frequency. By the same logic, the only way to change what you want to change in the world is to change your own frequency. If you want to see more love in the world, going and starting a love campaign and picketing for more love will not be nearly as potent (I'm inclined to think love picketing would outright fail, but I'm not going to take a firm stance) as actually altering your own vibration to that of love. And yes, love is an actual vibratory frequency, not just an idea espoused by sappy romantics. I'm not going to supply lots of stats here, but if you do a bit of poking around (mind you, the internet has the collective knowledge of all human beings ever), you will see than indeed, everything, including love & anger, has a particular frequency. Love is high vibe. It makes us high, it makes us feel good. Some say it is our natural state. Anger, hate, greed, etc., are low vibe. They make us feel low, they make us not feel so good at all. Some beings, unfortunately, are used to this feeling, addicted, and thus feed on it. Others have just never experienced a higher frequency.

So, to be brief, "activist's syndrome" is a low-vibrational state of wanting to change the world yet coming from a place of anger, hate, greed, lust, envy, revenge, etc. When one tries to change anything from a low-vibrational state, one will merely attract more low-vibe states. When one wants to see peace in the world, the only way to attract this is to be peaceful oneself. Hanging out with peaceful people will greatly assist this process, as the peaceful vibrations (that is, calm, centered, steady, yet high) of others will affect one's own vibratory pulse or signature. Just simply being peaceful and acting in a peaceful manner going about one's own business will do more to create peace in the world than a million anti-chaos or pro-peace rallies. The anti/pro thing doesn't matter. Well, it matters a little, as it sets the intention for the gathering. But more imporant is the vibration of the individual participants and thus the collective frequency. If the frequency is high and peaceful, peace will be attracted. If low, welp... Here comes more low! Yay!

So to master the "Art of Change," one must simply select a process or set of processes that allows or facilitates the change of one's own vibrational frequency! If you want more wealth, simply thinking about money will do the trick, but better: Reprogram all beliefs about wealth. Surround oneself with wealthy people. Put up pictures every where of items associated with wealth, deities of wealth. Lakshmi, the goddess of wealth. Make daily affirmations "I am wealthly, I am wealthy," over and over and over. Look! You have to change your frequency. This can take a lot of work. You are vibrating one way now, so in order to vibrate a whole new way, you gotta really go for it. If you want to have a peaceful vibe, seek out people providing ways of obtaining peace. Read books on meditation. Go on peaceful walks. Where peaceful colors. Listen to peaceful music. Just surround yourself with peace. Slowly but surely your vibration will begin to change. Over time, it will become much more steady & fixed. It will take a lot to move you from your peaceful vibration.

Figure out what you want to change about the world and yourself. Then, simply engage in an intense process of changing your own pulse. That's how its done.

Love.

Free-form Flow

The only intentions I have for this posting is to allow the flow of my consciousness to spill out onto the screen. So here goes...

As far as the doings go for the past month: I arrived in Nevada City, CA by way of craigslist from Oakland, CA. I was dropped off on the side of the road at midnight and set up a squat spot by a nice little river and loads of wild blackberries, about 25 mins walk from downtown Nevada City. I spent the first week around town making different connections, doing lots! of walking, and basically trying to acclimate and ground myself.

Then came the first week of yoga teacher training, which I found to be challenging, enjoyable, and informative. I also feel it really helped me strengthen my own daily practice (sadhana), which was one of my primary intentions for taking on the training. I made loads of good connections as well, and am currently living with a family in the area that I met through a nice lady named Mary Joe that is also taking the teacher training. It was nice squatting by the river for a little while, and now it is really nice having a garden to work in, a bathroom when I need it, a blender, a computer, etc. So very nice! I am blessed to have been graced with such a find situation.

After the firs week intensive of teacher training, I felt I had a bit of adventuring to do, so I put up the thumb & hitched up to Mt. Shasta. It took me a day to hitch there (was very humbling), and I spent the night in Chico, CA in a lovely garden that I was shown by a friend fellow I met at a health food store. When I arrived in Shasta I was able to touch base with Monique (the nice lady that gifted me the funds to down-pay for the teacher training), go see Masaru Emoto give a presentation on water, and sleep up on the mountain. It is really quite a place this Mt. Shasta! They have amazing untreated spring water, loads of fruit trees around for the picking, friendly people, fresh air, & so on. Oh so lovely!

I was also able to meet up with my good friend Emma in Shasta, and she whisked us away to the Redwood Forest, then the Mendocino coast for a 3 day yoga/raw food retreat, which was also very nice. I was able to swim in the pacific, meet more amazing people, and continue to enjoy me daily practice, which I will speak more of in a moment. I met 2 very nice girls in Mendo, Molly & Cari, who took me to Lake Tahoe, just north of Nevada City by about an hour and a half. So I stayed with Cari for 2 days in Tahoe, and she gave me a ride back to the Grass Valley/Nevada City area where I was able to reconvene with Mary Joe (my landlady/co-houser/whathaveyou). Hooray! What an adventure!

Ah, yes. So I wanted to discuss daily practice. In the kundalini yoga tradition (the one I am now studying my yoga teacher training), daily practice ("Sadhana" Sod-ah-nah) is not just a science, its a way of being. Its the foundation by which one creates one's reality. The main idea is that human experience can be limitless, but our subconscious mind becomes overloaded with junk and detracts from our daily experience of the world. It becomes so jammed with mental constructs, agreements, advertisements, and whatever other media or energy that we expose ourselves to, that it pours into our conscious experience & thus influences the way we act & operate on a daily basis... Unless of course we have some way of clearing or alleviating our subconscious mind... We have a "grid of experience" that is basically the monitor of our computer, the overarching lens through we our awareness is filtered, thus forming our conscious reality. The vastness and fullness of what we see & experience through this monitor is greatly affected by our subconscious programming.

Sadhana is like an assassin or an atomic bomb to the garbage built up in the subconscious mind. When one practices every day (not one-two, skip a few, but every day!), the subconscious mind is very quickly de-programmed, so many of our trite judgments, detrimental habits, destructive patterns, and toxic predispositions implode in on themselves. They are powerless against the power of sadhana.

So how does Sadhana work?

In many traditions the best time for Sadhana is between 4-7 am, or the 2 1/2 hour period before the sun rises. Albert Einstein used to wake up at 4 am because he found he was able to focus so supremely at this hour. Go figure? My experience is that daily practice is much more easy between 4-7, so this is when I try to do it. Even by 8 am I resist the practice so much more. Once the sun has risen it is just that much more tricky to focus inward, as the sun is instructing us all to exert our energy outward, to go and ride the wave of the day! So between 4-7 one simply practices the same thing for a certain amount of time every day for a certain amount of days. Here is the psychological breakdown of transformation according to the science of kundalini yoga (not according to me (though I have experienced the effects), I'm just taking this out of a book):

Meditation times every day
3 minutes of meditation affects the electromagnetic field, the circulation and stability of the blood

11 minutes of meditation begins to chance the nerves and the glandular system

22 minutes of meditation balances the three minds (negative, neutral, positive), and they begin to work together

31 minutes of meditation allows the glands, breath, and concentration to affect all the cells and rhythms of the body.

62 minutes changes the gray matter in the brain. The subconscious "shadow mind" and the outer projection are integrated.

2 1/2 hours changes the psyche in its co-relation with the surrounding magnetic field so that the subconscious mind is held firmly in the new pattern by the surrounding universal mind.

Effects of consecutive days of mediation

40 days changes a habit

90 days confirms the habit

In 120 the new habit is who you are

In 1,000 days you have mastered the new habit
-----

So I have been doing a morning sadhana (in my case, a yogic exercise involving the breath) since May 05th now, and I must say the effects have been profound. It has brought me so much more balance to my life, and I feel it takes very little effort to do it every day. Less & less effort every day! I simply think "Oh, if I break the streak the effects will be diminished, I'll have to start from day 1 again, and the high I'm on every day will be reduced. I better do my sadhana!"

And that's how it goes. I am at a point where I do a particular mediation every morning for 62 minutes. I started out with 3 minutes May 5th, and gradually worked myself up to 62 as it felt good. So now I'm committed to the 1000 stretch to see how far I can take the effects of this already profound practice. We shall see!

There are so many ways to activate a sadhana. If you like to paint, paint every day for a set time. Don't skip a day. Don't ever skip a day! This will break the chain of the strong psychological reconditioning you're delivering mercilessly to the politcal parties and renegade opinions parading around in the lawless depths of your subconscious mind... So paint every day and see the magic that emerges. If you like to run, run every day. If you like to read, read every day. If you like to sing, meditate, shoot skeet, play guitar, ad infinitum, do it every day, a lot. Early is nice. Clear you subconscious of all the garbage that prevents the full potential of healthy, productive, enjoyable experience from taking place! This is my message. Take it or leave it.

But either way--

Love.

Summer solstice, rainbow, and beyond!

So, the last several weeks since my stay in the Jemez mountains have been very fruitful.

After the fire @ Casey's land, I went and stayed in Taos for two weeks, working at a farm at the Hanuman temple, meeting lots of good folks, eating well, and grounding intensely. I finished covering the head of the djembe I started back in March, sewed up 2 pairs of shoes (one of which is lost to me now), and got lots of good rest, physically & psychologically. I had a little money to spend while I was there, and decided to invest in a copy of the Tao Te Ching translated by Stephen Mitchell. This really helped me to re-contextualize my intentions for this blog and my life in general, which I will come back to in a moment. For a now, a brief summary of adventures and doings.

After my Taos tenure I went to a yoga retreat up in the Jemez mountains near Espanola, NM. I was on the set up crew for the retreat, so I was there for 10 days before the retreat began. It was quite nice to be able to get to know so many wonderful people, connect to the land, and have a little peace and tranquility before 2000 people showed up. It was at this retreat that I decided I would complete a yoga teacher training as soon as possible, and thanks to a gracious donation from a very good friend I met there (Ms. Monique Decker from Luxembourg, a veritable angel), I will be beginning my training starting July 16th in Nevada City, CA.

After the retreat ended July 28th, I headed to the Santa Fe National forest for the 2009 National Rainbow Gathering. If you aren't familiar with the Rainbow phenomenon, check online through wikipedia or a like source for deep details. For now, I'll just say that it is a family not connected by blood, race, ethnicity, or creed, but rather by the universal commitment to world peace through creative/alternative lifestyles and community. The "Rainbow Tribe" has been gathering all over the world for about 40 years now.

The gathering was quite a wonderful experience for me. I worked at a raw food kitchen (which is convenient, as I started a raw food cleanse/diet (Live-it) around June 18th at the beginning of the yoga retreat), took nature walks collecting wild edibles, played lots of music, did a lot of walking, bathed in a nice creek, and just soaked in the peace of the mountain atmosphere. I met so many amazing people, and connected with two fellas, Dean & Chris, who are also on there way to CA. I write right now from Sedona, Arizona, and the three of us will soon make our way towards Nevada City. We have been munching on greens we collecting in the mountains for 2 days now, really just taking our time to enjoy the trip to CA.

And now, back to the Tao Te Ching... Buying a copy of the Tao in Taos (go figure Tao-s), as well as talking to several people about the book/philosophy/way of being, as well as many experiences I've had since Feb. have given me a lot of clarity about my original intentions for this website, and the ways in which I can activate the wisdom gained from this blog, the Tao, and my life in general.

Here are some brief insights that I am beginning to integrate on a day to day basis:

The world is perfect. People have lots of ideas and concepts about the how lost we are, how are ecological systems are spiraling out of control, how darkness has fallen over humanity, etc. And that's all very fine and nice for them. But I no longer want to live my life through ideas about the way things are. More and more I am beginning to feel that people's (or my own) judgements about the conditions of external reality have in fact, nothing at all to do with the external world, but are merely a reflection of the reality of each individual, projected onto the "external world."

When people say that George Bush was an insane president, or gay people shouldn't be aloud to get married (side note: should/need to/have to are in the process of being eliminated from my vocabulary), or that pizza tastes really good/bad/fluffy, it has nothing to do with reality as it truly is, and has everything to do with the stories people are addicted to telling about the world around them. The judgement that GB is insane is only reflecting the inner insanity of the judge. The judgement that gay people shouldn't get married is only reflecting the fears/homophobia/discomfort of the judge. Good/bad/fluffy tasting pizza isn't in the pizza, it's in the person eating the pizza.

These are my feelings. This is the reality I would like to embody. It's okay to eat pizza and just be eating pizza, being present with the pizza, appreciating each flavor and bite without trying to figure out the meaning of pizza, or attach ideas to pizza. It's okay to observe Bush and then go on about one's day without a thought about how _______ he is and how X person would do ____ & _____ in a much more ______ way.

I've related to the world around me most of my life through ideas/ideology/conceptual thinking. I suspect the same is true for many others as well. Well I'm done with it I tell ya! Pizza is pizza. Pizza is. George Bush is as real to me as Darth Vader. He's just a character in a story that I've seen on TV a lot. He really made people lose their center, lose their peace. Yet like me, very few people had any real, first hand experience of GB. They just related to the idea of him as portrayed through media coverage. GB just is. He isn't good or bad or any one thing. He's always in a state of change, in a constant flux. Why would we try to pin him down with qualifiers?

I've written a lot already in this blog posting, and there will be another posting very soon to be sure. I have a lot more to say about the ways the Tao has begun to shape my life, and the experiences and journeys that have been highly influential to me in these last months. For now, I will say that I hope for people to realize all the things in their own reality that are blocking the flow of serenity.

The Universe is always changing in a beautiful dance of experience. There are many ways we can relate to the dance. All of them are perfect, and each individual can choose their favorite way at any point and time. We haven't done anything wrong--not one of us. Things arise and things pass. People kill people, people help people, dogs chase cats, hurricanes happen, buildings collapse. All of it is just perfect, right where it needs to be at all times. See the perfection within & the perfection without will necessarily unfold. I love you all!

Forest fired pottery.

So, I have been up in the Jemez mountains for the last few weeks, creating gardens, working on various building projects, doing sweat lodges, and so on. I met a really nice Belgian fellow named Victor at the Return of the Elders gathering, and through him met Casey, he that is connecting me to the Jemez. Casey has about 20 acres @ 8500 ft, and is working on establishing a Jedi training art school thingy. It's pretty neat. He wants to eventually have a self-sustaining system, a library, ceremonial space, and the whole shabang. I'm excited!

We've been cooking lots of great meals, doing yoga, relaxing, working gardens, reading and writing, watching sun sets, soaking at local hot springs, and so on. It's been lovely.

3 nights ago Casey fired some pottery in a big metal barrel. We watched the coals burn down, and then went to bed. We awoke the next day, and just went through are usual routine. Sunrise, breakfast, garden work, etc. Around noon I was working on the garden by myself, and noticed that over where we had been firing pottery, there was a very large fire.

"Huh!?! That's funny, what are Victor and Casey doing over there?" I thought.

It only took me a moment longer to realize that the very large fire was not intentional whatsoever. I immediately began yellling for help, grabbed two shovels, and ran towards the fire. Casey and Victor walked out of the cabin, I threw Victor a shovel, and we went to work!

We began digging all around the fire to contain it's rage. Casey drove down the mountain to call the fire department (we didn't have a phone), and Victor and I battled on. I dug non-stop for about 1 hour. Then Casey returned and took my spot. Victor and I grabbed some water, and then went back to work. We continued to dig and contain for another 30 minutes, when the fire department finally showed. By then most of the perimeter had been established. We stopped the fire at the property line between Casey's placed and the neighbors.

We were very relieved to not have burned the mountain down! Victor and Casey got some pretty wicked 2nd degree bubbly burns, and we all inhaled more smoke than we would have liked. I have a pretty gnarly stigmata looking crispy blister on my hand from the shovel and the heat, and we all have the memory of the intensity-the heat, the smoke, the feelings of helplessness and eventually transcendance. Whoa!

This is probably about the most raw, visceral, elemental experience I've ever had. I don't think I was afraid for a second. There was certainly no hesitation. But the power that the fire had was overwhelming, humbling, a force to be reckoned with. I still have so much to integrate from this experience. And have a new found respect from anyone caught in such a situation. Be it fire, hurricane, tornado, earthquake. If we do not respect the natural forces that surround us, we beckon an encounter that may leave us changed forever@!

I hope to write more of this experience when I've put it all together.

For now, I love you all! Take care.

Return of the Ancestors gathering & more

Well hello again my friends. The last month has been a wave of experience that carried me to many amazing places with so much to be learned, and so many wonderful people to enjoy.

I finished up my drum carving project at Gemini farm at the beginning of April, and soon after made my way to Sedona, Arizona for the Return of the Ancestors gathering. I didn't exactly "have money" or "know anyone," but my surrender to the guidance I felt to be there led me to some amazing people, and I was well taken care of. Some Quebecians took me in from the beginning, so I had a great group to camp & counsel with for me tenure at the event.

The premise of the gathering was to unite native/indigenous elders from all over the world so they could share their prayers and visions for the turbulent changes that are sweeping through the world, as well as to simply share traditional wisdom and ceremonial space. I must say it was quite a learning experience! I would also add that the majority of my personal growth came not directly from the scheduled gathering events, but rather from the youth counsels and collective interactions that were held outside the gathering. I was amazed at the multitude of open-hearted souls I met throughout the event, and can't express the gratitude I feel for all the music, food, and conversation I shared over these past weeks.

I would say one of the highlights of the adventure was a sunrise ceremony at the Grand Canyon. A couple hundred people gathered at a GC lookout with drums, shakers, and all sorts of wonderful magic, and we sang and danced and played as the sun rose over the horizon. It was marvelous! It made me wonder why I don't have a sunrise/set ceremony every day. It is, afterall, one of the most universal occurences of the planet. And an amazing way to dial into natural rhythms day by day. Yes, I will seek to manifest this vision of shared daily sunrise ceremony. Waking and feeling the heat on my face and expressing the joy through song and dance. And then walking away with the whole day ahead of me, bright and full to be sure. Yes, I will do it. We will do it.

Spoonality

Spring is emerging in Northern New Mexico. The mountain snow is melting away. No longer is the breaking of ice necessary for morning creek dips. I've moved into a casita on the farm, and am enjoying the atmosphere as always. I just spent a few days in Ojo Caliente, near Taos, helping a friend and a seasonal worker of the farm (really a member/partner) Brett do some work on his house in the desert. Me, Brett, and Kosma did a whole lot of digging, mud mixing, and adobe brick laying. And as always enjoyed delicious food and music. After day 1 of digging we visited the hot mineral springs near Ojo to soak our bones and revitalize our souls. We dipped in hot arsenic and iron baths, sat in the sauna, and drank lithium water. Upon leaving I felt rejuvenated! What a place.

An activity I've steeped myself in as of late has led me to some interesting thoughts about life. The boys on the farm are firm believers in self-reliance, and as such go as far as to carve up all their own utinsils. So spoon carving is often a winter ritual that one and all enjoys.

Since I've been on the farm I've busted out about 6 or 7 spoons, and am beginning to try and develop my own taste and style. I like to go with the grain of whatever wood I'm working with, and see what shapes emerge from the way the wood runs naturally. The last spoon I carved included stylized designs on the handle--twisting and turning rounded curves. I was pleased with the result.

Whilst carving, observing, and talking with people on the farm about spoons, I have had some realizations about reality, or spoonality, if you will. Teague likes to sand his spoons down, and can really hammer one out with speed and efficiency. He told me he has observed a lot of metal spoons, and appreciates the superior feminine physique that sanding gives a spoon. Kosma never sands his spoon, as he feels the sand paper is rubbing in a bunch of chemicles to a device that will be put in your mouth again and again. So when he approaches a nearly finished product, he likes to make tiny little cuts with his pocket knife that are tantamount to sanding. A cook at a buddhist monastery in southern Colorado visited last week, and when I showed him a recent product of mine, he said "Very nice, except it looks like you could go a little deeper on the spoon part."

In short, everyone carves their spoons a certain way, appreciates a certain aesthetic, and thinks that this or that is a prerequisite for a fine spoon. I have received lots of feedback, instruction, criticism, and advice, all of which have been greatly appreciated. I hold a deep respect for teachers and have no problem amending the way I think or do things if it means greater health and wealth for myself and others.

But if there is anything I've learned from the experience thus far, its not what my spoons should look like or how it should be done. Its that everything I've been told reflects each individual's unique spoonality. When it comes down to it, my spoon doesn't have to look any certain way, or even be functional. I can do whatever I want, & there is really no way for me to possibly do wrong as long as I appreciate the final product and enjoyed the process. Surely I can take something from each experience? I certainly don't have to hold a single preconceived notion for each spoon carving project. If I want to do things fast, I'll go out back with the hatchet and get my spoon as close to the finished product as I possibly can. If I want to have a smooth, flowing final product, I will sand it down to a nice finish. If want to give it a hand carved look, I will leave all the little whittles in place.

But ultimately, I can create my own spoonality. Each spoon carving project can be done a different way. I can be as consistent or inconsistent as I like, have as rough or splintery or wide or small or whatever as I want! The possibilities are endless. Each spoon stave holds a unique treasure waiting to emerge from its spoon cacoon. I wonder what I'll create next?

So remember to respect teachers, but beware of words that dictate rigid structure. Every day you can create what you feel matches the energy of the day best. People's words are mirrors for their own spoonality. Why not carve your own?

Grounded in New Mexico

So my journey to New Mexico has proved to be a fruitfull one. I rendezvoused with my dear friends Ryan & Felicja (of Williams Island Farm in Chattanooga, TN) in Santa Fe about 2 weeks ago. They had both been in California for the winter, and were headed back towards the Island for the 2009 growing season. Felicja was born & raised in Santa Fe, so it was nice to be introduced to Santa Fe & various parts of northern New Mexico with such grace and fluidity.

We spent a few days in the Santa Fe area hanging low, and then ventured to Felicja's brothers' farm in Las Trampas, NM, between Taos and Santa Fe.

And what an amazing place it is!

Felicja's bros Teague & Kosma started the farm about 6 years ago, and it has been thriving ever since. When Teague graduated from Tufts University and Kosma from highschool, they both decided they wanted to connect with the land and provide their hometown with local produce. So they decided that the best way to do so would be to dive right into the dirt & start their own project. They lease the land from a friend of theirs in the moutains of northern New Mexico, right on the border of the Pecos Wilderness. The 7 acre farm sits at about 7500 feet, so it stays snowy about 6 months out of the year. They tell me that the Trampas area has been known to receive snow in the middle of June, so the microclimate is specific to say the least. They discoverd very early on that root veggies like carrots, beets, parsnips, and potatoes thrive wonderfully with the warm days & cold nights, so they are certainly a mainstay on the farm. But they also have green houses for warmer climate crops like tomatoes & peppers, and for winter greens. Even now we are enjoying fresh arrugla salads, as well as kale and cilantro.

Teague, Kosma, and their recent farm cohort Brett welcomed us warmly into their adobe home. After spending a few days there playing music, eating out of the root cellar,working with the goats, and taking the donkeys for rides into the mountains, we had a sweat lodge ceremony to commemorate the full moon and bring us all closer together.

The sweat lodge tradition has been handed down from Native American cultures like the Lakota people as a purification ritual. Teague, Kosma, and Felicja had been introduced to the practice at a young age through their father, an avid collector and dealer of Native American art & active supporter of various Native American organizations. The quickest way to describe the sweat lodge would be to imagine the combination of a fast, a sauna, and thanksgiving (Though I don't believe such a description does the experience much justice, nor does it capture its transformative force).

The lodge is basically a structure made out of Willow saplings that are bent into a dome-like shape and covered with blankets. It represents both the body of a turtle (with the head being a small alter in front of the door), the womb, and Mother Earth herself. Igneous rocks are heated in a fire pit outside the lodge, and then placed inside for the duration of the ceremony. Particpants enter from the left and move inside the lodge clockwise or sunwise, being sure to respect the natural movement of celestial bodies. Once everyone is inside, water is poured over the rocks to generate steam, and the sweat begins. Then everyone expresses their thoughts, hopes, feelings, and especially their gratitude for life and the abundance of the Earth throughout four different sweat rounds. After each round the door is opened to allow everyone a chance to cool down. In some rounds the focus is more on giving thanks, while in others the focus is more on singing or free expression. It is definitely a very powerful way to release toxins from the body, purge the mind, connect with each other, and reconfirm one's beliefs and purpose.

After the lodge is over everyone jumps in the icy waters of an adjacent creek, much like is done after a sauna or a steam. In this way it really does feel like emerging from a womb. You come out sweaty and disoriented, and then are plunged into a rather unfamiliar, uncomfortable place! It is quite amazing, however, how much the icey waters warm the body after a few moments. I enjoyed my dip so much, in fact, that I have made it a daily practice every since the lodge. I still haven't overcome the utter ridiculousness of observing myself break through the ice with a shovel and then choosing consciously, without anyone asking me or paying me, to completely submerge myself in the freezing cold water. And I still jump out of the water laughing hysterically, mumbling gibberish while stumbling through the snow wrapped in a towell. But I never do regret it! I just can't imagine a better way to wake up and embrace the elements as the sun is just beginning to peak over the mountains.

So anyhow, the sweat lodge is quite a great ritual, and will fortunately be performed every New and Full Moon. As far as other daily activities go, I have been waking up early for creek dips and stretching/various exercises. I generally fire up the wood stove as soon as I arise, throw on a kettle of water, and brew a pot of red clover, alfalfa, and mint tea. Then a nice breakfast of oats & apples, homemade sourdough and fruit preserves, squash pie, or perhaps the remnants of a hearty soup from the night before is enjoyed by one and all. Afterwards we do whatever work we can, such as feeding the animals, watering the greenhouses, or preparing meals. I am currently working on the restoration of an old wagon as a personal project. But as a group we are never short of things to enjoy in these slow winter months. Kosma and I have been playing lots of chess. I have been riding up into the mountains on the donkeys with Teague as much as I can. And we all enjoy playing music together, cooking and eating meals, and any other community-type events that bring us closer together. I have had plenty of time to read, send letters, and practice carving. I just finished my first spoon not two days ago! And I plan to learn as much I can of the drum making trade from Kosma, who learned to carve and cover drums during a trip to Guatemala. So many great things to learn and be a part of. The opportunities for growth are endless!

Just last week Kosma and I hiked upstream to do a little winter fishing. We weren't very sure we could hook anything in the February cold, but after about 3 minutes of light casting, and with only 1 worm, we caught three beautiful fish! Mine is the mighty 9 incher. We came out of the mountains with smiles on our faces and threw the fish right into the iron skillet with a little bit of olive oil. They sure were delicious, and we made sure to thank them for providing us with some much needed winter nourishment.

So Ryan and Felicja have already made their way back to Williams Island, and Kosma and Teague welcomed me to stay on the farm until my journies take me elsewhere. My plan right now is to stay here until at least May, at which time I hope to do a Permaculture Design Course in Bolinas, California. But I may perhaps extend my time in Las Trampas if I'm invited to do so. After all, I couldn't possibly ask for more here, being right on the border of the Pecos Wilderness, having plenty of delicious & nutritious food and amazing animals, and an energetic company of skilled, creative people with abundant love for everything they do. What a blessing it is to be grounded in New Mexico.

Love & Gratitude

About two weeks ago my wonderful mother gave me the the book, "The Hidden Messages in Water," by Masaru Emoto.

The basic premise of the book involves Japanese scientist Emoto's experiments with exposing water to certain external stimuli, such as music or pictures, freezing the water, and then photographing the resulting images. Emoto is always sure to take before and after photos, often times with some surprising results.

After years of research, Emoto believes very deeply that the fundamental structures of water can be and are indeed effected by anything from music, to vocalized & written words, to pictures, to thoughts--to really any sort of external influence or stimulus. Emoto has found that speaking words like "love and gratitude" with sincerity results in intricately formed crystals of astounding beauty, while saying things like "you fool" to water results in damaged, hazy crystals. Furthermore, Emoto writes emphatically about the necessity of expressing this love & gratitude to everything, especially human beings, as we are made up of 70% water ourselves. If unkind words forms damaged crystals in the fundamental structures of water, what could they do to our own cellular structures or psychological constitution?

It seems to me a very worthy question indeed. And an empowering one at that. Could simply feeling or thinking love and gratitude towards a glass of water improve its quality or vitality as one guzzles it down? If anything, one would surely enjoy every sip with that sort of awareness in mind during a glorious guzzling session.

One thing I've realized lately is this: if what Emoto says is true, how could I possibly integrate such a philosophy into my own life? After all, I have been drinking and cooking and swimming in water my whole life without much notion of the effect my own thoughts and feelings have whilst interacting with the liquid goodness that is H2O. So how could I create a lasting impression in my own state of being that actually shifts the way I interact with water or anything else on a day to day basis? Welp, Emoto assures the reader that it is becoming more and more possible everyday to carry out these water crystal experiments in a cost effective manner. And if I were the type to utilize micro-observational technology and all sorts of other scientific gizmos and gadgets, I might just give it a try. But this is not my way. Fortunately, Emoto supplies any even easier, more accessible, and possibly more poignant means of proving to oneself the impact of our own thoughts and feelings.

Emoto recommends taking a look up in the sky from time to time for a little cloud observation. But instead of simply appreciating the shapes and forms of these nomadic sky creatures, try a little experiment. Focus on a cloud, and really direct your attention at its shape and size, taking in all the details. Then, with all your imagination and and feeling, pretend that the cloud is slowly beginning to dissolve. It might be better to start with a small, loner cloud, and then work towards a massive cloud city. Anyhow, continue to focus on the cloud, imagining that it's slowly dissolving. Really focus your attention on it with deep concentration, but don't strain. Just enjoy the experience. After a little while, say or think something to the effect of "thank you for having dissolved," and continue to imagine that the cloud is dissipating. Keep this up until it melts away, and you have just provided yourself with an amazing first hand experience of the power that our own thoughts and feelings have on our reality. In this case, on clouds, which are very subtle amalgamations of H2O, no?

My brother Hunter and I were bouldering in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains in El Dorado Springs, Colorado some two weeks ago. When we reached the top of the foothill we could see both Denver and Boulder, as well as the tiny town of El Dorado Springs. The sun was shining warm and bright, and the sky was almost completely clear but for a few clouds. We had both just finished Emoto's book, so we were curious to see if what is he said about the clouds was true. So we did just as Emoto said...

And what were our results, you may wonder? Well, I wouldn't be writing about a failed experiment(s), would I? If you find the find the idea hard to believe, I surely do not blame you. All we could do was look at each other & laugh in disbelief, both for the first cloud and the second cloud. Even looking back on it now seems more like a dream than something that actually happened in this world, in this reality of mine (& ours).

But don't take my word for it! Go on and give it a try! And bring a few friends along as well to multiply the effect. The more imagination the better, right? It might not even be a bad idea to read Emoto's book beforehand. In this way, one can be theoretically prepared for the experience. And if the experiment is successful, perhaps drinking a glass of water will never be the same again? I can say for myself that I much more inclined to feel love and gratitude for every sip I take. Mmmmmmm water.