Out of the dark, one month ago today. March 4th.
So much to recount in the darkness, sitting in one little room for 2 weeks. And so much to recount of my last month in the light as well. Where do I begin?
So was the darkness enlightening? Yes, I believe it was on a number of levels. My experience there was quite dynamic, ranging from all sorts of bodily sensations (wild buzzing of pituitary/3rd eye, pineal/crown), to various nightmarish and wild visions and dreams, with plenty of realizations and downloads of things that no longer serve me or anyone for that matter. I had dense, visceral, agonizing feelings of despair and helplessness and solitude. Feelings of pure joy and love and complete contentment. & on & on. I must say it was an amazingly rewarding experience on every level.
I will recount several quick stories, with a general lack of detail to allow you all to fill in your own imaginative details.
One day one I had to pee really bad. I couldn't hold it. And I got lost on the way to the bathroom. And I couldn't hold it. And I grabbed for whatever I could, and I grabbed a Tibetan singing bowl. And I didn't have to hold it anymore. But I had to use a lot of scalding hot water and Dr. Bronner's soap later to make sure the bowl wasn't tainted forever.
On another day I walked into the bathroom and stepped on what felt like tiny stones. And I reached for whatever it was, and they had a slimy texture, and they smelled funny. And I found out what the little stones were eventually. My darkroom retreat roommate-neighbor Rigzin had tried to dump rotten soaked almonds in the toilet, and she missed. Completely.
I remember realizing/thinking/feeling that nothing really matters, that my return to source is inevitable, but the glory and gift of being a human being right now is beyond imagination and probability, so I need to take advantage of every moment to its fullest, cultivating awareness more and more every day.
My pre-retreat post-retreat blood work analysis was profound. Before the Dr. said "this is very healthy blood." After the Dr. said "this blood is exemplary, vital blood." Wow!
I came out with a blonde strip of hair. How does that happen in the dark?
Since emerging into the light I have been living and working @ the Fix restaurant in Nevada City. Doing lots of fun experimentation with food. Learning lots about all sorts of concoctions--elixirs and teas and the sky is the limit. Watching movies, reading, and really becoming clear about what I'd like to do this year-where I would like to direct my energy. I will beginning a 5 month herbal apprenticeship April 22nd with an amazing herbalist in the area, Kathi Keville. And I am feeling called to possibly begin work on a Masters degree through Gaia University in October. More details on this craziness to come. :)
I've only just last night moved--you guessed it--back to the darkroom retreat center, just 3 miles or so away from the Fix! Can ya believe it? I will be staying here for the month of April, and will hopefully use this amazing space as a nice convenient transitionary lillypad to the next space, wherever that may be. One thing is for sure, I will be rooted down here until my Herbal program ends in August.
So that's all for now. Spring emerges here, and I am loving the light more than ever. I'm not going to pretend my body or mind is in some sort of radiant transcendent healthful state, but for some reason I feel more surrender to every moment than I have ever felt.
Come what may--I will do my best to give myself to the righteousness within me.
I love you all!
