Sunday, December 6, 2009

Revisiting the rebirth, part 1.


This is one of those full circle type of posts. A summing up of one of many concentric circles that is crossing over and interweaving with other circles of experience to form the fabric that is my experience and is my reality. Where I look back over the original context and intentions for this blog, flush things out a bit, and supply a series of inspiring "ah-hahs" that help me to integrate whatever I need to integrate from the past 9 months (human gestation period, yes?), and release whatever I need to release.

I feel this 9 month rebirthing period has been the most powerful, accelerated time of growth in my life, so its a bit silly to think I can pin it all down in one concise posting. I just want to touch on a few things really. & I don't have an outline or bulleted points written down beside me, though my structuring, organizing nature feels rather inclined to do such a thing! Perhaps future postings will be guided by such a writing process. For now I will do my best to express whatever needs to be expressed, to let it come up in my field of experience & flow through my fingers, tip-tapping across these plastic Apple keys, with the grace and ease of a well-practiced street performer--juggling this and that, entertaining, working the natural magic that can only emerge in surrender to the unfolding moment. OH please oh please! Give me the strength to surrender.

Wowee! So I just read back over my first post that outlined my context and intentions, and it gave me so many chill bumps! Truly amazing. It relates to so much of my past 9 months of experience, and really brought up a lot for me.

One of my original intentions for the blog was a physical and psychological journal of my travels and experiences. I feel these two things alone will be enough to cover in this posting. To sum up my physical adventures for the past 9 months starting at the beginning of February, I have gone from New Mexico to Arizona, back to New Mexico, back through Arizona to California. I spent Feb-April primarily on Gemini Farm in Los Sangre de Cristo mountains New Mexico; mid-April in Arizona for the native elders gathering and various adventures to the Grand Canyon, Hopi, Yavapai, and Dinai land; May through early July back in New Mexico in the Jemez mountains on my friend Casey's land, the summer solstice Yoga retreat outside of Espanola, and finally the Sante Fe mountains for the Rainbow gathering. Then I was whisked away through Sedona, AZ to Grass Valley/Nevada City/North San Juan, CA, where I have been completely grounded (except for a journey to Mt. Shasta, the Redwoods, the Mendocino Coast, and Lake Tahoe) since mid-July.

So that's a rough outline. Mountains, beaches, desserts. Various trainings and workshops--two weeks of Kundalini yoga teacher training (my final week is at the end of January); an Aromatic Alchemy training (mixing essential oils and blends for medicinal/enjoyable purposes); dozens of yoga and Qigong classes on the side; so many different ceremonies and collective experiences fused with the highest intention; Mauri healers (New Zealand indigenous people), farm work-trades, loads of living food creations from smoothies to Kimchi to sourkraut to chocolate, pies, salads, crackers, fruits, etc. ; adventures to Amma the hugging saint (once in June & again in November), different hot springs, rivers, and my first view of the Pacific; and an intense daily yoga practice that has essentially been the foundation of my experience--giving me a wealth of physical, emotional, & psychological health and vitality for a smooth, enjoyable reality. Yes.

So lots of things, lots of "doings." & that's the physical side, the external experience, so to speak. Now as far as the psychological part, the maintenance and development of my "psyche," this rich & deep collection of beliefs and experiences and all sorts of programmings that directly affect the way I interact with and experience my reality--well that's another story. At this point, a few excerpts from the Tao from my original posting seem appropriate:

Chapter 71

Not-knowing is true knowledge.
Presuming to know is a disease.
First realize that you are sick;
then you can move toward health.

The Master is her own physician.
She has healed herself of all knowing.
Thus she is truly whole

Chapter 48

In the pursuit of knowledge,
every day something is added.
In the practice of the Tao,
everyday something is dropped.
Less and less do you need to force things,
until finally you arrive at non-action.
When nothing is done,
nothing is left undone.

True mastery can be gained
by letting things go their own way.
It can't be gained by interfering.

-------

So since February, the "program" I have been acting out, drawing directly from my blog intentions albeit seemingly unconsciously at times, is that of deprogramming. I have been playing out the program of deprogramming, of dropping things every day. Meaning the complete and utter dismantling and destruction of all preconceived concepts, notions, beliefs, expectations (cultural, familial, etc.), and so on. All the different thought forms that come between me and the fullness of my experience as it unfolds before me in raw beauty & glory. Goodbye! Thank you for your service, but I am releasing you. & much love for you!

This essentially means the obliteration of the contents of my subconscious mind, reprogramming with only the most basic, rudimentary blueprints I need for navigating reality as I know it. Here is one of those blueprints I have been using with a whole lot of success--->
---------

Misconception: "Seeing is Believing" (What we perceive determines what we believe.)
The Actuality: "Believing is Seeing" (What we believe determines what we perceive!)


Beliefs-->Perception-->Interpretation-->Emotional Reaction-->Thoughts-->Action-->Beliefs

Beliefs ==> Perception ==> Interpretation ==> Emotional reaction ==> Thoughts ==> Action

1. Your beliefs determine the reality that you perceive. Your beliefs determine your perception of reality.

2. You then immediately, automatically, (and usually unconsciously) interpret your perception of reality.
That is, you (arbitrarily) assign, project, and "superimpose" an interpretation onto your perception of reality.

3. You then emotionally react to your intepretation of that reality.

4. You then have thoughts about this reality.

5. Then, based on your emotions and thoughts, you take action.

6. And then action reinforces the original beliefs and interpretations

This is what I call or what is called the "reality feedback loop." That is, a loop of reality constantly feeding back into itself, reconfirming and justifying beliefs, perceptions, and thus the way our thoughts and emotions are generated and play out within the context of our beliefs. The idea is that when you change the beliefs you shift the whole feedback loop. And my personal experience has confirmed that, yes, indeed, shifting beliefs pretty much changes everything.
------
So I have basically been on a path of deconstructing the subconscious mind in order to reprogram (but mainly just stay free and clear) my beliefs and thus re-create the ways in which I experience life, and the people and places I draw into my life as a reflection of my beliefs and perceptions.

Put another way--->
Every human has a true essence and form that becomes diluted through life traumas, ideologies, expectations, agreements, etc. A childlike essence, a beginner's mind in the Zen tradition. So since February, I have used every method I know of to return to this state of experiencing the world. Clearing of physical, emotional, and psychological traumas, programmings, and so on, whether through dietary cleansing, body work, emotional release, movement and meditation, prayer, affirmation, auto-suggestion, nature time (hikes, swimming in creeks and rivers or anywhere not inundated with modern development), EFT, sound healing, etc. Everything.

In this way, I feel more released from the disease, the dis-ease or sickness of "knowing" or presuming to know, and feel more at ease in the comfort of simply experiencing things as they are with as little judgment or expectation for the way I believe or feel they "should be."

"In the practice of the Tao,
everyday something is dropped.
Less and less do you need to force things,
until finally you arrive at non-action"

Right. Less and less programming, more and more free, clear intelligence to experience a raw, full reality. Pure awareness. More and more wide-eyes like bright beaming headlights, less and less straining to see what I believe is supposed to be there, what should be there because of past conditions or recurring habit patterns/thought forms. More and more head nodding and immediate acceptance, less and less frustration when things that don't go as I believe or expect they should. And I've noticed the more & more I free intelligence up, the easier it becomes to navigate my reality, to do exactly what needs to be done in every situation, no more and no less. To manifest things that I want to see happen, and to surrender to the sychronistic flow of things as they happen, often times well outside of my expectations (Yes! I still have them. I'm doing my best). Yes yes yes. All of it. So: less & less junk programming has equaled more and more free and clear experience which has graced me with less and less headache and more and more enjoyable, simple, every day happenings. Just like magic.

So to some up part 1 of this multi-part revisiting, I just feel good. I feel light. I feel clear. My daily deprogramming has made things work for me. Everything seems to go my way. And when things don't go as I expect I cut through the pain and frustration with a light-saber of awareness and laughter so fast that I've already moved on to the next thing before my psyche has time to hold onto anything. Like magic!

In my next posting, I will go into some of the specifics of how my daily experience has changed, and some powerful tools I have used to navigate the ripples & waves of the all the changes I have gone through, as well as the interactions I have on a day to day basis. Some themes to expect (and just to remind me for my next posting) are communication, especially in reference to intentions, expectations, and agreements; the power of joy, gratitude, and surrender; the shadow side, the dark side, the Darth Vader archetype; & water. Water. Water! This is a big one. I'm excited (Excitement moves through me).

Ok family, friends. So much love.









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